Who is the Cheese Bandit?

This, my friends, is one of the Great Questions of our time.  A mystery for the ages.

At least around our house.

It was late in 2013 when the signs began to appear.  Bites of cheese, left in strange places around the house.  Behind the toilet.  Under the television.  Draped over drawer pulls.

cheese slipper
One of the first sightings
cheese drawerpull
Elaborate cheese placement











It was noted that on any single given day, you could find a piece of random cheese in a place where cheese does not belong. Like crop circles, or those statues on Easter Island, but with dairy products. Naturally, I began documenting these mysterious occurrences.

christmas cheese
The 2014 holiday season saw unprecedented levels of cheese-related activity
new years cheese
New Years day, 2015

I know what you’re thinking.  “She has four kids, they must leave food everywhere.”

But the strange thing was that I only found cheese.  It was never grapes, or popcorn, or crackers.  And I never seemed to catch any of my children in the act of eating cheese. Whoever was doing this was sneaking cheese in secret and for some reason leaving behind a single bite.

cheese handle


Who is the cheese bandit?  What does he/she want?  We may never know.  Over the years the signs have dwindled but every now and then, one of us will be surprised with the familiar squash (or crunch) of discarded cheese underfoot.

cheese foot

Though his/her identity remains unknown, he/she has left an indelible mark.  A few months ago, the Cheese Bandit even inspired a series of haiku:

A bite unwanted
Discarded dairy, alas!
The cheese stands alone

Once more, my old foe
Cheese Bandit, we dance again!
Colby Jack, you lose. (h/t my awesome friend Lisa)

curds and fucking whey
first off, what the fuck are curds
that’s whey out of line (h/t my super talented writer pal indigomagik)

Stay tuned as the mystery deepens…



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